Okay, NOW Purple Has Definitely Gone Too Far

Yesterday's post (and today's purchase) notwithstanding, I feel pretty confident that these purple boots will NOT be purchased by me or anyone with a modicum of taste:



Charles Nolan "Kelsey" boots, $148. I am going to go on record and say that any type of ruffle at the top of a boot is unacceptable. Go ahead, contradict me! I bet you won't.




Chloé paneled shoe-boots, $895. A classic hot mess.




Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti ankle boots, 370 pounds. Where to start?




Marc Jacobs butterfly shoe-boots, $895. For Mariah Carey, NOT for you.




Steve Madden purple suede boots, $149.95. Again with the butterfly!




Georgina Goodman "Felix" ankle boot, $947.95. Who? Wha? How much?




Sam Edelman "Utah" boots, $199. We've already established the Binge's position on fringe, so this commentary should go without saying: no.




Jump "Bjork" boot, $128.95. Not sure which is more hurtful to my senses, Bjork's screeching or these monstrosities.




You by Crocs "Fabulous Fashionista" boots, $280. Still don't get Crocs' high-end line: A company that brought you $30 rubber shoes is trying to now sell me $300 boots? I don't think so.


And now, so that the last image I leave you with doesn't have you retching, here's a not-totally-hein pair of purps:



Aldo "Froling" booties, $130. Better yet: You can get 'em in gray.

Crocs: SURRENDER TO US! OR ELSE!

Our loathing of Crocs has been well documented. As if Crocs weren't bad enough, they've gone and added insult -- and lotsa faux Sherpa -- to injury and named it ... the MAMMOTH. As in MAMMOTH MISTAKE!

Observe:
In true Crocs style they've made every perfectly decent solid color available to all Crocs Lovers (oxy moron!)/ AKA Unholy Haters Of Fashion to bastardize! For just $39.99! I don't even want to mar this blog by linking to them. Chances are, if you'd wear these, you're probably not reading this anyway.

Anyway, as much as it pains me to report on such sordid shoe subjects, I can at least take solace in the fact that our Anti-Croc Army is solid and growing! We have allies in Birdfight
and of course, Manolo at Shoeblogs.com. And the aptly named IHateCrocs.com. But it's NOT enough! We won't stop until everyone raises both arms in the air, Crocs in one hand, a lighter in the other and creates one giant flaming Crocs pyre atop a sacrificial altar constructed, of course, of Croc! And you best believe we'll be wearing one of these:

(Apprx $17 USD, Spreadshirt.com)

... And together... together, with God as our witness, we will end THE SCOURGE OF CROCS!...


... To be continued...

In Praise of Rubber Shoes

I have a confession to make: I recently considered purchasing some Crocs ballet flats. I know. Please hold your tomatoes; I didn't do it. I wanted something easy to bike around in, wear to the beach, in the rain, whatever. I wanted comfort, and as we all know from all the Crocs lovers out there, comfort is Crocs. However, cuteness is decidedly NOT Crocs. Even these are just barely acceptable.

But then last night, on a lovely stroll around my neighborhood, I popped in to the new fashiony store Epaulet. Lured by the gorgeous iridescent shell trinket boxes, I stayed for the jelly shoes and, truthfully, the conversation. Owner Mike was just as nice as can be, genuine and helpful in a nonpushy way. I was drawn to these fuchsia jellies, and basically was cheered into purchasing them before I could stop to reconsider paying $55 for rubber shoes.



Melissa + Campana jelly ballet flats, $55. Much cuter than Marc Jacobs's! Made by the original Brazilian jelly-maker, for whatever that's worth. I can attest to their supreme comfort, thankfully, and utter cuteness.

Epaulet, by the way, is a very cute, well-curated shop, with a burgeoning men's section and cheap framed photos to go along with all the pretty dresses and little trinkets. And of course, the selection of rubber shoes. Check out more awesome Melissa varieties.

More Crimes Against Nature: Saggy Crotch Leggings

($90, MadeMe, Karmaloop.com)

TheFashionPolice first spotted these (credit goes to them for the photo AND the horrifying discovery).

Everything about the description is depressing. I've bolded for added emphasis:

"Ultra high waist fold over legging with low crotch and multi geometric pattern throughout."

It's like a crescendoing parade of horrors.

The only reason I could imagine for these to exist is perhaps for hipsters who are into baby role playing? So you can shit your diaper AND look "Williamsburg" at the same time? That's really the only thing I could think of. And the only thing that'd make this heinous offense worse would be bust-a-sag leggings would be bust-a-sag leggings with Crocs.

Kelly Taylor Dresses Entire Family Like Mario Batalli, Idiots

The scourge of Crocs continues!!

Can't Child Protective Services take your kids away from you for lesser infractions?

Oh yeah, and speaking of Jennie Garth, there's a new 90210 coming, by the way. No word on whether the female cast members will be contractually obligated to wear Mom jeans.

(Thanks to Chicago JP for sending me this one.)