Project Runway Episode 5: There Is An "I" in Team Gretchen

Better late than never, I am finally caught up with Project Runway's Episode 5, and let me tell you the word to describe it is explosive!! It's taken a team challenge, with the designers working in two teams of 6, to make it fashion official: Gretchen is an elephant-sized pill, and Tim does not have immunity this week. From what you ask? Just keep reading!...

Each team has to design a 6-piece collection that is on trend for Fall 2010, and one winner and loser will be chosen accordingly from each winning and losing team. But I must interrupt my train of thought for a minute to ask GAAAAH WHAT THE HELL IS CASANOVA WEARING??? He looked like a piece of seaweed in a Sarah Brightman video...Moving right along, the two teams in question are:
Team Luxe, with Gretchen in the 'volunteer' leader position (goodness knows why Michael C, who had immunity from last week's challenge, felt compelled to choose Gretchen as his team member when there were 11 other less volatile options), and Team Military and Lace, made up of the Peaches, Mondos, and Casanovas of the world. But I prefer to call them Military Gretchen and In The Bottom 6. Team In The Bottom Six

Right away we can see the easy and ego-free rapport of team In The Bottom 6, as each designer contributes an entire look toward the whole collection. In fact when Tim arrives for critique hour he seems really pleased, except of course with Casanova's garment (it's tradition). Tim thought it looked OLD, and to our dramatical delight Casanova cried diva tears of Theater proportions over having made a "senior citizen garment," at which point I laughed out loud and choked on my lunch.

Meanwhile team Military Gretchen is stomping around the workroom with a million pieces of drab looking silk, the designers zombie-like under Gretchen's controlling 'my minimalism is best and don't you dare bring in any bit of your own aesthetic into it' hold. Each piece so far looks the same, and after 24 hours A.J. is still in the sewing room working on what promises to be an ugly cream silk shirt dress with french seams.

On the Runway we pretty much already know that In The Bottom 6 are going home WINNERS, with a fresh and edgy combination of lace, chains, and military design details. I fully enjoyed looking at all the pieces (except for Peach's dress, sorry!). Go Underdogs! And the surprise of the day was Casanova's win, for his chic black lace top and those amazingly tailored pants with gold buttons climbing up the sides. Wait, did I use the word chic and Casanova in the same sentence??
As team Military Gretchen's collection stomped down the runway the first thing I noticed was the slightly nauseating (greyish-cream and maroon?) and coma-inducing color palette. And don't get me wrong I love camel and it's a pivotal color for Fall, but only when designed right. In fact Christopher's fluid camel pants were the only real point of interest in this 'Luxe' collection. In fact it turns out that Team Luxe was neither Luxe, nor a Team. DISCUSS!
Naturally, team Military Gretchen is reeling from their loss. Some emotions they are feeling: disappointment, anger, discomfort, shock, shock , shock...which are almost the same words the judges use to describe their losing collection: "it's not interesting, it's nothing, proportion problems, colors are ghastly, Golden Girl dress, granny shorts, unfortunate..." And finally we get proof of Gretchen's true military colors: She starts off in tears, defending her team's strong and cohesive collection -'United we stand' against the judges in a beautiful team of collaborators. Nina's eyes meanwhile look like they are about to shoot hot evil rays into Gretchen's face. Guest judge Georgina Chapman wisely notes that even though the collection was aiming for cohesiveness it's lost all designer individuality. Yep we thought that too!
Then under intense scrutiny, Gretchen conveniently flips her alliance and refers to her team's collection as crappy, and outs Michael C as their weakest link (although could you blame her?), even though he has immunity. So who is going home? Well the designer of the ugly cream shirt dress of course, and that would be A.J. The sad part though is that he admittedly leaves on account of a garment devoid of any A.J. in it, something that controlling Gretchen reveled in, and not only am I sick about it, but so is Tim.


Which brings us to a shocking, never seen before Tim moment. Shocking not because Tim loses his kettle top and turns a steaming shade of scarlet (which he doesn't by the way), but because he's never reprimanded a team before, with direct aim at one particular super annoying contestant. We thought him immune, but we were wrong. In frustrated earnest our hero Tim implores team Luxe "I don't know why you allowed Gretchen to manipulate, control, and bully you????"

...So it isn't just us viewers, oft manipulated by the producers, who are so irritated by Gretchen's inflatable ego. No, Tim has officially justified our very strong desire to hate Gretchen, and from now on, freely loathe we shall....

Image source: mylifetime.com

Project Runway Episode 3: Party At Tim's Place!!

Hello Designers! It's party city this week as the designers must create an outfit out of party store supplies. With party queen judge Betsey Johnson, and a whole lot of excitement chills from Tim, this is just the kind of fashion challenge that makes me giddy with anticipation, and hopeful for a minimal amount of pinata disasters...
After a quick stop and shop at Party Glitter it's back to the workroom, which quickly becomes littered with party hats, pink paper plates, Mardi Gras beads, paper cups, streamers, etc. It's like a birthday party exploded in here, but thankfully I'm also seeing some serious innovation and clever uses for napkins, paper plate edges, and shiny fringed streamers...

Someone call PETA! Do you know how many stuffed animals Casanova maimed in the making of his garment?...Between him and Gretchen's unsolicited opinionating I can't wait for Tim to burst through the door already with his suave brand of comic relief critique in the form of some very notable quotables this week...Beginning with Kristen, Tim peruses a packet of odd circular trims she is using for her garish creation and comments on the name- "Animal Wooly Balls?? sounds better in French...!" which then sends Tim, along with Kristen and myself, into tearful fits of laughter... Five minutes later and Tim is still chuckling to himself with tears streaming down his pink cheeks. Who knew the impact of an innocent ball joke on Tim??!!... A short while later a composed Tim informs Peach on her uptight design- "It's like you have a piece of coal up your rear end.....make it into a diamond and pull it out!" Eloquence personified Tim x
Casanova is frilled

It's judging time and the designers' garments fly down the runway, some looking sensational, and some looking like beat up pinatas. My top three favourites? Christopher's champagne napkin dress with splashes of colored confetti was elegant and extremely wearable, Andy South's black woven ribbon dress (which he barely finished thanks to some generous help from a couple of fellow designers) was fabulous and very Versace, and Valerie's monochromatic napkin cocktail dress was perfectly executed and oh so chic. The worst offenders of this challenge included A.J.'s pink 'everything but the kitchen sink' dress which threw up birthday cake all over his model, Kristin's seaweed pinata, Sarah's 5th grade plastic and paper cut-out palm tree frond project, and of course Casanova's Jekyll and Hyde ode to frilly table cloth couture. I literally laughed out loud when judge Michael Kors called Casanova's model "a transvestite flamenco dancer at a funeral." Brilliant. Though I may sometimes be uninspired by Michael Kors' immaculate sportswear design aesthetic, I will NEVER tire of this man's quotables...
And the winner of this challenge is... Thankfully not Gretchen again, though her three piece metallic chevron-cut streamer skirt, rumpled paper bag biker jacket and tank top were pretty darn impressive... It was Andy South's intricately dark ribbon stunner! Congratulations you deserved it!
Meanwhile Sarah's palm tree cut-out dress was OUT as we sadly say goodbye to one more designer. Auf wienerderhausenzein! (one day I'll get that spelling right)...


Image source: mylifetime.com

Project Runway Episode 4: A Bunch of Mad Hatters (Hats Off To You)

How excited am I??? But first, I almost didn't write my weekly PR episode recap because it's been one of those no good horrible very crazy weeks. And then I couldn't bear disappointing you who are actually reading so I decided the least I can do is write an abridged version of my usual review (aka keeping it very short). And besides, who else could possibly be more excited about this week's episode than little old milliner meeeee!!????
Episode 4 very excitingly brings the divinely renowned milliner/hat designer Philip Treacy to guest judge the designers' next challenge: Create a look inspired by a Philip Treacy hat. Inspiring indeed! You see, Mr. Treacy is a hat king among hat kings, a delectably talented milliner, a true artist and avant-garde visionary whose designs are covetably looked up to by designers such as myself. To create a garment fit to be worn with a Philip Treacy creation is, as Michael Costello aptly puts it, the Holy Grail. So now that I'm finished dripping with the compliments, here are my short but sweet thoughts on a workroom full of mad hatters...

First off, I'm thinking Tim Gunn and Philip Treacy would make a fab couple. Next, I'm in awe of the fantastic headpieces each model is wearing, except for maybe the large orchid hat which looks like a huge Georgie O'Keefe phallic symbol. Back in the workroom Casanova is still delusional until Tim stops by and slaps him out of it by inquiring: "Haven't we all seen this dress 100 times before? To me it says Donna Karan 1988." Oh how I love Tim so.
It's Runway time and Heidi looks like she's got a huge thorn growing out of her forehead.
Thoughts on first looks: -Absolutely love Michael D's pleated cardboard-like architectural look, it goes beautifully with his 'Madonna Rides Again' sinamay couture hat
-Christopher's vintage rose coat dress was lovely as a whole but maybe too much for his angular hat. And the satin leggings have got to go
-Gretchen's outfit was pretty hideous this week!
-April's booty shorts look like space age diapers. Michael Kors thinks they're triple panties
-Good thing Andy South has immunity
-Ivy does need to get over herself, it's beautiful but very underwhelming
-Peach, your chosen feathered creation is spectacular. That ladies who are sick of lunching dress you made is so not worthy!!!!
-Mondo's busy polka dot trousers gave me a migraine, and what's with the mustache
-Valerie's red dress and white shrug didn't stylishly do it for me. Underwhelming!
-Michael C has surprised with a very pretty shimmery handkerchief dress which compliments his 'Shocking Pink Roswell Hat' so well, but quite frankly this is a dress I've seen 100 times already...
-Kristin's black and pink satin dress was a cheap mess. Come on, your hat was a large phallic symbol! Where's the sexy time inspiration you spoke of earlier?

And now for the winner of this challenge: Michael Costello! His dress shone, but I'm just as shocked as you are because I'm simply not a fan of his taste level in general.
...and Kristin is OUT! Thankfully I wasn't disappointed with the judges' choice because Kristin's craft-project satin dress was a cheap ugly mess.
For now it's Auf Liederhosen until next week...

Photo image source: mylifetime.com

Project Runway Season 8 Episode 1 Premieres: And Sew It Begins

Hello Designers! Project Runway Season 8 is finally here and Heidi (with a questionable new shag 'do') and the gang are back with a new crop of aspiring attention grabbers (most of them over 12 years old this season which pleases me greatly) and a load of new 'Twists'! Our new group of 17 designers gather at NYC's newly minted Fashion stage Lincoln Center for their first challenge where Heidi and Tim confess that it was nearly impossible to narrow down the group to 16 because they were all so darn good. So their first challenge actually becomes the final stage of the audition process! No one is safe! And that's Twist #1.
Let me just note one designer who already stands out: Casanova and his impossibly tight red pants who is "taking New Jork by the balls..." I love him already and so will the producers when they make sure he sticks around for many episodes to come...

And now for the first challenge each designer must go hunting in their tightly packed suitcases for one item of clothing which they will incorporate into their first garment. Twist #2: they must pass their beloved item to the person on the right. Darn! There goes Casanova's very very expensive pair of Dolce & Gabbana pants. Twist #3: They only have 5 hours to complete their garment.

Back at the Parsons ranch we are all surprised to see that MOOD fabrics is in the house!! No need for the traditional field trip to MOOD which will save time and presumably money (I didn't notice anyone actually paying for their yardage so I'm guessing it was on the house). Tim arrives in his familiar wise mentor fashion which always sends a warm feeling spreading across my chest. Among Tim's workroom progress comments are some gems: Gaah "Good heavens!", "Is it sexy or is it vulgar?", and the winner of the week:"The cap sleeve worries me"...Like a creepy doctor, Jason (with cocky hat in tow) is distracted by his model's unusually large bust, Peach's garment looks like it's out to lunch rather than fit for a lady who lunches, and Casanova's model is almost completely nude save for a bikini and a sarong hanging by a thread...

This could only be Tim laughing out loud at Casanova's lack of fabric yardage

Mondo concentrates on sketching. Love his spotted bandana btw

And now it's Runway time and it's sure good to see Michael Kors and Nina Garcia back with fresh tans and pedicures, sitting alongside guest judge Selma Blair, sometime actress and permanent surly face (although she does know a thing or two about fashion). Coming down the runway I am loving Andy South's pants outfit which looks pretty amazing, and I LOVE sustainably green Gretchen's beautiful and effortlessly flowy black dress with beaded cap sleeves. Everything else was a blur of garbage bags and cheap taste, most notable being Jason's 'deconstructed' backwards kimono which was stapled and pinned into a drab mess of one ugly bathrobe. Nina's nose couldn't help but flare disapprovingly at the enormous amount of messes coming down the runway. Meanwhile we aren't yet sure how many designers are going home tonight, but according to my calculations for awfulness it must be at least 9... and yep! Heidi announces that the entire group of 6 designers still standing after the first 11 leave the runway, are ALL in the bottom. No one is safe. So who's design is the least offensive tonight?
Let's try and guess via some of the judges' comments:
"She looks like an '80's streetwalker"- Nina on April's Deconstructed (aka unfinished) Tux
"That is Butt ugly"- an eloquent Heidi on McKell's cute but tastefully questionable dress
"She's a pole dancer in Dubai"-Michael Kors on Casanova's scantily clad model. Brilliant. Love it! Twist #4: Nina blurts out some perfectly sexy Spanish in her smooth Colombian accent, and I can tell this is going to be a very different season of Project Runway. Twist #5: The judges are curiously united in appreciation for Casanova's 'fascinatingly bizarre' (aka trashtastic) look, and its clear the producers were buzzing in the judges' earpieces as they too are bizarrely fascinated with Casanova (as I had predicted), and so his awful nostalgic ode to Jennifer Lopez and that green Versace dress from 2000 is, against all common fashion sense, safe. Someone please explaaaaaaaaaaaiiin......!!!
Thankfully the judges were also unanimous in crowning Gretchen the clear winner! The Portland, OR native clearly deserved it. So until next week, stay tuned for more RedPoppy Recaps, thought, and twists on the next episode of Project Runway...
xo

Photo source: Mylifetime.com

Project Runway Episode 13: Tim Makes House Calls!

I can't believe there is only one more episode left after this one! Dear fellow Project Runway watching faithfuls, Season 8 has flown by and in some ways it feels like only five minutes ago when we watched in agony as Cassssanova pulled out a very very expensive pair of pants from his innocent suitcase only to give it away to the person on his right...Anyways, it's always my favorite time of the Season when Tim makes house calls and catches up and dines with the very busy Final Four designers who are toiling away on their Spring 2011 final collections for Fashion Week. Wait up Tim, I'm coming with you!!!....

Knock Knock it's Tim! Our favorite mentor is off to Oahu, Hawaii where he finds an inspired Andy surrounded by earthy roots and a barely made collection of sourced metals and fabrics from Laos. With only 2 weeks left until Fashion Week, Tim is worried! Then it's off to Palm Springs as Tim sets his GPS towards Michael C's house on a blazing hot California day. Tim is delighted to find excellent progress in the form of two racks overflowing with feathers and eveningwear, and then fondly refers to this progress as "Design Diarrhea." Next up on the itinerary is Denver, Colorado where we visit Mondo Guerra and his 1980's inspired work space. In the midst of hugs and chuckles Mondo introduces a rack filled with checks and shapes, and I'm really looking forward to seeing this collection on the runway. And finally Tim treks to Portland, Oregon where we find Gretchen Jones vulnerable, broke, crumbled, and refreshingly honest. Her collection looks like a mash-up of Phoebe Philo meets the Aztec Empire, and Tim verbalizes my thoughts of turquoise and New Mexico...

Back in New York we're left with the three boys and Gretchen Jones, but there are only 3 spaces to be filled at Fashion Week and in order to choose which three will show at Lincoln Center each designer must present three looks from their collection to the judges, plus of course one extra look to be created over the next few days. Almost no surprise there! A few rattled nerves and a few days later it's Runway time and it's now or never for each designer to sell themselves. My thoughts on the runway show are best expressed as usual:
Andy- me likey all the exquisite pleats, except for that ridiculous flowy bikini look. Evening wear and bikinis? Michael C- reminds me of Jason Wu's feathered cocktail dresses from two seasons ago, and what on earth is that stringy thing of a brown dress? Gretchen- I like the casual romper dress and all the jewelry pieces, it's very Gretchen, but not very Fashion Week. Mondo- I want that printed chiffon blouse and taupe/black checkered skirt; the turquoise top is junior and cheesy...

The harsh and expectant judges had lots to say including such gems as "Crunchy Granola", "Circus act", and "Copper Tones." So who is NOT making it to Fashion Week? that would be Michael Costello. To be honest I never expected him make it this far even though he can actually design and sew, albeit mostly uninspired eveningwear. However at this moment I can barely look at Michael as he stands on the runway looking like a broken man, actually more like a crying child about to have a fit, with an ugly look of contempt on his distorted face, barely able to look the judges in the eye. His blubbering reaction worries me. I sound like Tim...

And make sure to catch next week's final RedPoppy recap of the season as a winner is crowned on Project Runway!!!

Project Runway Episode 12: I Miss You More Than Ever Christian Siriano

Designers, there are only two episodes left and I am still wondering who, out of the Final Five, will finally send something absolutely WOW down the runway!?? Who will go on to Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week? Will it be Mondo? Andy? April? Gretchen, Michael? That's a whole load of questions without any answers yet. In the meantime Heidi sends the Final Five to NYC's opulent Mandarin Oriental Hotel for some champagne, toasts, and relaxation. Nursing massive hangovers the next morning (just joking), the designers meet Mayor Bloomberg so he can present them with the final challenge: Design a look that's inspired by New York City!

With the entire City at their disposal, the designers wander around their favorite spots in search of inspiration. Michael is literally inspired by Miss Liberty's drapery, April and Mondo analyze the linear structure of the Brooklyn Bridge, Andy breathes in Central Park's nature, and Gretchen stumbles down the the Lower East Side...One last trip to Mood and someone better have some fabulous fabric hiding in their bag. Or else. And yet I'm seeing lots of boring black around the workroom, and Gretchen is designing some awful boring separates in maroon tones. Tiiiiiiiim we need you!! Finally Tim checks in and informs Michael the sea of black fabric attempting to be a dress he's working on looks like a "tortured mess." Then it's on to Andy's slutty cocktail dress and Tim warns him against going all "Real Housewives of New Jersey." Let 'em have it Tim!

Final Runway Show Time arrives and I'm absolutely dreading what the judges are about to see. I want them to be wowed, yet I'm almost certain they won't be. Almost everyone's made something safe and black, and Tim must be seething inside with disappointment. And now I'm about to have a major prophetic moment: I say out loud that I've never longed to see and hear Christian Siriano more than at this very moment. And then BAM!!!!The camera pans over to guest judge Christian Siriano and I almost fall off the couch. Just to clarify, I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA who the guest judge was this week. I need to take a moment......!

On the Runway: Just look at Michael's basic-looking draped black dress, for me it's so blah. Gretchen's leather jacket and skirt separates look more like career-Midtown than Lower East Side, while Andy's back-slashed warrior dress is shiny and fierce. Mondo's graphic mixed textiles dress is cute and architectural, but I don't love it, nor do I like the fit. April's gauzy dress looks like everything else she's made this season...

What do the judges think? Michael Kors loves Mondo's houdstooth/patterned dress, Nina and Christian loves Andy's edgy body-con dress, Michael Kors thinks Gretchen has ran out of steam and her look is more secretarial than downtown, and he also agrees that April has made the same joyless version of this "preganant witch" dress over and over again. And last but not least Gaaah! Michael Kors, and everyone else, loves Michael C's blah draped dress. What the hell?

After Heidi plays the annoying "which two designers should go with you to Fashion Week" game with the designers, it's the moment of truth. Who's going to Fashion Week? As the guitar strums notes of major chords in the background it's Congratulations to Michael C, Mondo, and Andy. And oh yeah, Gretchen. Auf Weederzane April, best of luck.

...And stay tuned for next time when Tim makes some house calls!!

Project Runway Episode Episode 10: Mondo's Story

Yikes. This was one emotional episode. Backgrounds, family, memories, locked-up secrets converge in the workroom when the designers must design a textile fabric for their look that is inspired by a moment from their past. After all, as we arrive in the workroom and see childhood photos of Michael C in his underwear plastered all over an HP computer screen you know this is going to be one deeply personal challenge. Most notable and poignant is Mondo's inspiration for his fabulous and vivid plus+sign textile print. Through a brave and powerful on-camera admission we learn that Mondo is HIV positive, a secret he has kept for the past 10 years. This is no light fare, and I'm almost wishing for some rude and pure Gretchen workroom drama, but no such luck. By the way did I miss the part where the designers get a tutorial in using the HP Touch Smart textile design program system for this challenge? Just wondering...
And this episode's surprise workroom guests are....everyone's mother!!!! No one, and I mean no one is spared from any tears this week, not even Tim. Within minutes every single designer is reduced to a blubbering baby, and well, it's precious to watch. We even discover a bit more of Gretchen's tough back story which perhaps makes her seem a tad more human and justified in behaving as rottenly as she does?......Nah!
Then Tim does away with the work day and all the designers get to spend the day with mom. Well there goes Andy's focus...

It's Runway time with guest designer judge Rachel Roy who, by the way, needlessly comes off as super snarky... and GAH! what kind of circus act dress is Heidi wearing???
So far I'm loving April's love divided punky dress with the too-long peekaboo cool printed sleeve...Andy's shorts and loose blouse combo is a no brainer in being knowingly worrisome, and Mondo's purple checkered pants and printed blouse top are incredible...Valerie's ill-fitting black sheer dress with blue patterned skirt feels super messy and cheap, like pieces of paper stuck together... I love Gretchen's textile pattern, and the frilly tank is pretty but I would have liked to see lots more of it... Michael's dress, though clearly an ode to dark family times, fits perfectly and is so well tailored, well done, while Christopher's print, though silky and fresh, is paired with boring pants and the entire look is so blah and underwhelming...Meanwhile the judges had lots to say about the mixed bag of momentous looks on the runway. Rachel Roy refers to Gretchen's outfit as "Almost," (as in not quite there yet), Michael Kors thinks Michael C's dark evil eye print dress looks like a joke, and Nina's so right by exclaiming, upon critiquing Christopher's boring ensemble, that she wants to see OUTSTANDING Fashion!! For goodness sakes, it's Episode 10 of Season 8 and I'm still waiting for more cow bell!...

....and Mondo is once again the deserving WINNER for the third straight challenge. He's simply the only designer with enough curious vision and mental color palette to wow us thus far...and in this episode Mondo becomes, without a doubt, his as well as our own, Inspiration.
That means quirky and kind Valerie is rightfully OUT. That dress was awful, along with a lot of other awful she's designed the past few weeks.
SO dry your eyes, throw away those crumpled balls of kleenex, and stay tuned for next week's episode where the designers must design for Heidi Klum herself, and that is a clear guarantee for some more ugly in the workroom...Auf Wiederseheeeeeeeeen!

Project Runway Episode 8- Cheap & Ugly: The Anyone Other Than Jackie Story

"Jackie Kennedy would not have camel toe"- Tim

This epic line pretty much sums up Project Runway's latest episode where the uninspiring designers had to create a classic American sportswear look using late fashion icon Jacqueline Kennedy as inspiration (can't we just call her Jackie O?). So how hard can it be to create a look that speaks quality, taste, style, and sophistication? Apparently very, especially when the designers thought Tim said 'Cheap and Ugly' instead of
'Jackie Kennedy.'

Back in the workroom we are forced to listen as Gretchen waxes unpoetic over Mondo's fabulous fabric. But that isn't the worst part. Looking around I'm seeing oversize draped cargo pants, zebra stripes, uninspired looking cocktail dresses, and something white and blah from Ivy. And I couldn't help but wonder, how on earth will Jackie Kennedy's spirit decide which designer to haunt first?

Then Tim makes a big announcement: Create an additional Outerwear item to go with the original garment. Well that means more ugly in the workroom and another trip to MOOD. Cue to Gretchen grabbing Michael C's fabric right out of his hand and she's once again confirmed as resident evil. Back in the workroom Mondo feels like Harry Potter and Michael C is scrapping his 12th garment, to which Tim says "Egads." Also I love Tim's appreciation of Christopher's look: "The dress is so form-fitting it looks kind of anemic."

The best part about this episode? Discovering that Mondo is actually an elf. He's wearing tiny black pinstripe shorts with suspenders, cummerbund, and houndstooth check knee socks. And lots of freaky eyeliner...Then it's officially Runway time and guest judge is actress January Jones. A note to the silly producers: This actress may wear 1960's costumes on her show Mad Men but she doesn't actually have any real relevant fashion opinions.

My thoughts on the utterly unrelated Jackie Kennedy looks coming down the runway are best expressed through a soliloquy without pauses and often using the words cheap and ugly:
April's black satin zipped dress looks cheap and ugly, and so is that funereal pillbox hat on her head. Ivy's outfit is black and white and grey all over, but maybe the lesser of many ugly evils on the runway today. PS. That chiffon jacket reminds me of a giant nylon drawstring bag to hold coated almonds that they give out at weddings. Michael C's electric blue draped cocktail dress is actually sexy and lovely, for Anyone Other Than Jackie K. Is that a dead possum on Christopher's model? The dress for the most part is elegant sportswear but the shoulder wrap is plain UGly. Gretchen's disco era style brought us a zebra print ugly length skirt and halter top look, it felt cheap and embodied the spirit of Someone Other Than Jackie. Valerie's 'Brass Plum ca. 1992' dark burgundy top and black stretch skirt paired with a black zipped vest jacket was offensive, horrendous, ugly, cheap, and sad, and it sent me into a dark depression. Pass the xanax, honey better be going home this week. Andy (and his ever-changing mohawk coif) channels Rei Kawakubo and designs a camel toe-inducing curtain draped cargo pant along with ill-fitting slinky top and cheap ugly vest that even Christina Aguilera wouldn't wear, never mind Jackie K. What part of 'classic American' sportswear didn't Andy get? In fact Heidi flipped her mop-topped lid, and I've never seen this much smoke coming out of Michael Kors' ears. Michael D's design may channel 'Little White House on the Ugly' with that cheap looking layered tank top and sad looking drop-waist pleated skirt, but at least I could look at it without being repulsed. It was actually kinda cute and an outfit you might put together in the Junior section of Nordstrom. It was, in Michael Kors' words, "insulting". And Hallelujah!! Mondo's outfit was the only one that actually had anything to do with Jackie Kennedy. It was modern but clearly inspired in the right place. I loved the striped top, and the large-houndstooth check skirt was perfectly chic and stylish. Something I actually enjoyed looking at without vomiting a bit in my mouth. Contemporary Jackie Barbie achieved!
The winner of this week's challenge? Mondo of course. Glad the judges got that one right.
Who's going home? Well if it was up to me it would be Valerie for depressing the hell out of me, but it's up to Heidi, Nina, and Michael (and some useless thespianic opinion with zero fashion sense) so Michael Drummond is OUT...
Auf weederzane designers and stay tuned for next week's brand of ugly!...

Main image source: jenfitchstyle,
mylifetime.com

Project Runway Episode 7: What's Mine is Yours

Good Morning Designers! This week's challenge begins with a brunch hosted by Tim, Michael Kors, and a very large luxury boat. Can you say Resort Wear??? Each designer had to create a resort look, keeping in mind that resort wear can include anything from itsy bitsy bikinis to long flowy evening gowns. A boat ride sketching session with mimosas in hand and flashy Michael Kors sunglasses later, the relaxed designers are not ten minutes back in the workroom when Tim surprises them with the 'catch of the day': The evil velvet bag with the golden rope that Tim presides over like Professor Dumbledore with a big golden secret, reveals each designer must pair up in teams of two and execute each other's look perfectly, mimicking the designer/sample-maker relationship in the real world of garment outsourcing. And let me gleefully add that Gretchen's pairing with Casanova is made in heaven. He can barely speak English and Gretchen communicates with him using really large pencil drawings...
Tim introduces a guest critic this week and it's none other than Michael Kors! What a tremendous opportunity it is for the designers to get some real insight from a master, and MK (Michael Kors for short) does not disappoint. Some of his wise observations: Keep it youthful (Gretchen and Casanova). Keep it Modern. It's glammy puss over the top (April). Go with your gut. Move on from the bordeaux and cadet blue (Valerie), and "We judges are hem obsessed!"...Andy South's bathing beauty

It's Runway time with "stylish American actress" guest judge Kristen Bell. And that's pretty much all she is. Fashion judge? Hardly accredited, dear producers...Moving on, here are my runway thoughts in a linear fashion cloud:
Michael C- very pretty metallic jumpsuit, very Miami, love that hair
Mondo- I'm all for mixed prints but this looks like Junior Malibu BarbieMichael D- too dark and goth-like (the roped belt) for my kind of Resort wear..but the judges LOVE it. Whatever
Ivy- blah blah and more blah. Snoooore, hitting the snooze button...
Christopher- also blah, pretty printed top though, hate the shorts
April- "Punky edgy baby doll" look that Michael Kors and the judges LOOOOOVE but I'm so not liking this! Am I missing something here?
Casanova- where the heck iss da beach? Awful career suit, even for career. And where is she going with that handbag?
Gretchen- Hate those colors! And I'm so not feeling the resort
Valerie- construction was poor, camel knits were not my idea of resort, missing sexiness
Andy S- love the silky tied robe and pretty ombre effect, very elegant and flowy, swimsuit is sewn to perfection

Among the judges' wild deliberations this week, they definitely agreed with Casanova's epic struggle between prostitute and grandmotherly visions, and the clear fact that Ivy is just a good seamstress with poor design talent. The winner of this week's challenge? Monotone April. Again, not sure why the judges went cuckoo over her black widow baby doll thing, but who am I to argue with Michael Kors. And who is Out? It's CAZZZZZZANOVA!!! After all it was time for the 'dessigner' who tried to "grab New Jork by the balls". Being inspired by your grandmother is sweet, just not when you're designing a look for Resort. And by the looks of the extended emotional Casanova tribute montage at the end, it pretty much confirmed our initial suspicions that the producers kept this rubber-lipped personality around mostly for their entertainment. Until next week, auf-veederzheeeein....!April's winning design

Casanova is Out