Project Runway Episode 9: It's A Tight Race for Hideous Today

Better late than never, here's last week's PR review. Thanks for your patience xo

My first thought is Heidi looks like a big 'chunk of change' in a too tight satin dress. But on to business, this week's challenge was to create a high-fashion look, think Paris Couture, which will appear in a L'Oreal Paris Advertorial. Huh? It's an online ad I think. Problem is the challenge feels a bit too gimmicky, from winning a pot full of gold at the end of a rainbow of bad dresses, to the designers having to use one of the 'Studio Secret Eye Shadow Duo Finishes' (think metallic, velvet, crystal, etc.) from L'Oreal as inspiration. The lucky winner of this challenge will receive $20,000 from L'Oreal (darn generous considering this season's lackluster talent), and besides being a very exciting incentive, by the time the designers are done with every task of this never-ending challenge someone better be going home with 20K. Besides, April wants a miniature pony and Mondo needs some drinking money...
Back in the workroom Gretchen and Michael C are battling against an addiction to burgundy, and why on earth is Andy wearing a tichel? A few design ideas so far:
Mondo- Kaleidoscope, Ivy- Hawaii, Gretchen- Kimono sleeves, Andy- Warrior Girl, Valerie- Silk
Then it happens, Tim comes into the workroom and scares the daylights out of everyone by announcing that the designers have to create a second Ready To Wear (RTW) companion look. Seriously? Poor Tim is Death's messenger here. More sketching plus another trip to MOOD, and I have major pee in my pants anxiety...
It's finally Runway Time and guest judge this week is designer Naeem Kahn. He makes beautifully embellished clothes and actually knows a thing or two about fashion. What a concept producers!
My Runway thoughts:
April: arrgh it's hard to tell what her garment is on the tv screen, but I like that it's short. Does she make anything else? Cute RTW look though.
Mondo: love the couture feeling and Vivienne Westwood meets Sonia Rykiel stripes, and I LOVE the back. But really don't like the black satin skirt in front. I kind of wish the back was really the front. RTW piece is super cute and wearable.
Ivy's horribly constructed gown and RTW piece look like they came off the rack from David's Bridal Oceanic Line. Cheap, tacky, tasteless. Aaaaaaaaaaaah
Michael C: his over the top gown could kill someone with that massive wired train, but the RTW dress is super cute despite its being very tiny.
Christopher's gown looks like a mermaid at her wedding, accidentally covered in chiffon toilet paper. Thank goodness the RTW dress is elegant.
Gretchen: Yowzers! You know it's bad news when even designer judge Naeem Kahn looks absolutely baffled. It's really just not my taste. At all. The hippy feathered velvet robe looks fit for Kumbaya time around someone's firepit.
Valerie's white gown looks like 'Glinda The Good Witch's' special occasion dress. And that black RTW companion is the worst companion I've ever seen. A blah vision of blackness with 3 little crystal buttons...
Um wait a minute, I'm actually liking something coming down the runway...it's sparkly and inventive... It's Andy South's metallic pleated warrior girl outfit! And his RTW bodycon dress with metallic panels is utterly chic. I really hope he wins...Note to Self and Everyone Else: Of course Heidi didn't hate Ivy's blue bridesmaid dresses as much as the other judges did, because she also has sucky taste people! Also, what's with the judges praising Gretchen's velvet swamp thing caftan? So Valerie's dresses get slammed by the judges and Michael Kors goes on a comedy diatribe about how ridiculous they are, so much so that Nina and Heidi can't stop laughing behind their runway cards. Judge Oops of the week: Nina tells Valerie her dress looks like 'Miss Guatemala'. Poor Val has to admit that her family is actually from Guatemala...One more newsflash: I do not envy the judges one bit. Trying to make sense out of a mostly ugly and cheap heap of dresses is no easy feat, not to mention L'Oreal's having to part with $20K on that account......And Mondo's the winner. I was hoping for Andy in terms design, but I do love Mondo anyways. And the loser? Wohoo it's Ivy. Here's hoping David's Bridal will hire her...
Image source: mylifetime.com

Project Runway Episode 7: What's Mine is Yours

Good Morning Designers! This week's challenge begins with a brunch hosted by Tim, Michael Kors, and a very large luxury boat. Can you say Resort Wear??? Each designer had to create a resort look, keeping in mind that resort wear can include anything from itsy bitsy bikinis to long flowy evening gowns. A boat ride sketching session with mimosas in hand and flashy Michael Kors sunglasses later, the relaxed designers are not ten minutes back in the workroom when Tim surprises them with the 'catch of the day': The evil velvet bag with the golden rope that Tim presides over like Professor Dumbledore with a big golden secret, reveals each designer must pair up in teams of two and execute each other's look perfectly, mimicking the designer/sample-maker relationship in the real world of garment outsourcing. And let me gleefully add that Gretchen's pairing with Casanova is made in heaven. He can barely speak English and Gretchen communicates with him using really large pencil drawings...
Tim introduces a guest critic this week and it's none other than Michael Kors! What a tremendous opportunity it is for the designers to get some real insight from a master, and MK (Michael Kors for short) does not disappoint. Some of his wise observations: Keep it youthful (Gretchen and Casanova). Keep it Modern. It's glammy puss over the top (April). Go with your gut. Move on from the bordeaux and cadet blue (Valerie), and "We judges are hem obsessed!"...Andy South's bathing beauty

It's Runway time with "stylish American actress" guest judge Kristen Bell. And that's pretty much all she is. Fashion judge? Hardly accredited, dear producers...Moving on, here are my runway thoughts in a linear fashion cloud:
Michael C- very pretty metallic jumpsuit, very Miami, love that hair
Mondo- I'm all for mixed prints but this looks like Junior Malibu BarbieMichael D- too dark and goth-like (the roped belt) for my kind of Resort wear..but the judges LOVE it. Whatever
Ivy- blah blah and more blah. Snoooore, hitting the snooze button...
Christopher- also blah, pretty printed top though, hate the shorts
April- "Punky edgy baby doll" look that Michael Kors and the judges LOOOOOVE but I'm so not liking this! Am I missing something here?
Casanova- where the heck iss da beach? Awful career suit, even for career. And where is she going with that handbag?
Gretchen- Hate those colors! And I'm so not feeling the resort
Valerie- construction was poor, camel knits were not my idea of resort, missing sexiness
Andy S- love the silky tied robe and pretty ombre effect, very elegant and flowy, swimsuit is sewn to perfection

Among the judges' wild deliberations this week, they definitely agreed with Casanova's epic struggle between prostitute and grandmotherly visions, and the clear fact that Ivy is just a good seamstress with poor design talent. The winner of this week's challenge? Monotone April. Again, not sure why the judges went cuckoo over her black widow baby doll thing, but who am I to argue with Michael Kors. And who is Out? It's CAZZZZZZANOVA!!! After all it was time for the 'dessigner' who tried to "grab New Jork by the balls". Being inspired by your grandmother is sweet, just not when you're designing a look for Resort. And by the looks of the extended emotional Casanova tribute montage at the end, it pretty much confirmed our initial suspicions that the producers kept this rubber-lipped personality around mostly for their entertainment. Until next week, auf-veederzheeeein....!April's winning design

Casanova is Out

Project Runway Episode 6: You Can Totally Wear That Again (Can You?)

Gaaaah it's a whole load of tacky bridesmaid dresses this week, and only one sound of music comes to mind: "Girls in pink dresses with big satin sashes..." And these are so NOT a few of anyone's favorite things. The challenge this week: Take one ghastly bridesmaid dress and breathe new life into it, making it wearable once again using most of the original 'crimes against humanity' garment. Possible? We shall see...

After consulting with the brave owners of the dresses, aka the clients, the designers were off. By the way, I must commend Gretchen (yes I said that out loud!) on showing some bravery by remaining calm and accepting Tim's workroom critique without crying, despite being called a manipulative and bullying biatch by Tim last week. Moving on to Tim's workroom critique, he thinks Michael D's lace overlaid fuschia gown looks like a "great big oversize bra." Peach's printed gauzy dress needs lots of help, and very uncharacteristically Tim actually likes what Casanova's created, to which Casanova purrs the word "esaaaaaaactly" one too many times...Then Tim springs a surprise to the designers' horror: Tomorrow they will be presenting their designs, as modeled on their clients, in a designer showcase in front of lots and lots of people!Michael C. hard at work

At the designer showcase each client stands, gallery space-like, in a corner with a fishbowl in front awaiting button votes from the viewing public. So far Peach and April's revamped dresses are the ugliest, Gretchen's ombre tank dress looks like it has a giraffe tail on the back, and Michael D's fuschia satin dress with black lace overlay is getting the least button drops. Oh and Michael C is seriously getting on my nerves...Who got the most button votes in the end? Mondo's 'Mod' style pink and black revamped dress.It's judgement time and designer Cynthia Rowley joins as guest judge. I have to say (I sound like Heidi here) Christopher did a really good job reworking a curtain dress, and Casanova's satin pants and draped blouse were fab. By the way does anyone else think Michael D, in his knotted bandana, looks like Austin Powers' Dr. Evil singing "it's a hard knock life"? In any case Michael Kors thinks his dress went from bridesmaid to Bat Mitzvah. That's bad news. But I'm fully expecting Peach's dress to be deemed most hideous, after all Michael Kors thinks her model looks like "she's got an avocado goiter." Holy crap that's brilliant and spot on. Valerie's dress is slightly disturbing with its spidery black straps and heavy chesty bodice. The judges love Michael C's sexy black satin dress and its amazing transformation from dated bridesmaid to cute and edgy cocktail. Unfortunately I couldn't make out the details clearly online, so I leave that one up to the judges. But if Peach's swamp thing disaster is not out this week, I will be holding someone seriously responsible...An Avocado Goiter dress

The winner this week? aaaah Michael Costello! And the other designers are none too pleased. He's just so annoying, and so is his craftsmanship.
Who is OUT? please be Peach, please be Peach, please be Peach....and it's Peach! Her taste level was always on the tacky, but I'm going to really miss her as a person, I've loved her attitude and her outlook. I think we will all miss her, Tim very much included....And so we end on a teary note and await next week's challenge of Resort proportions.
Auf Wiederschnitzelhosen designers! Get that smirk off your face!

Photo source: mylifetime.com