Big-Busted Bathing Suit Bonanza!

In real life, I'm pretty much a straightshooter. Online however, since we haven't exactly all met or anything, I tend to air on the more discreet side -- I'm just not the type of blogger who likes to blog about personal stuff like past sexual partners or number of weekly poos I take or that sort of thing. But, I'll be blunt about this because it's no big secret, it's something many of you readers out there can sympathize with, and because it's pretty obvious -- while I'm short (5'2") and small (around size 8), I ain't exactly wee on top. Like I said -- no big secret. They're quite real, and they're quite a hassle, especially when shopping for bras and bathing suits, and coincidentally I shopped for both this weekend. The former yielded more successful results. The latter, however... oy.

I tried on this lovely one-piece (it's gonna be a one-piece summer, my friends) at Bird:

($99, Mocium, Bird)

Surprisingly the butt and tum looked great! The top, however, covered basically not a damn thing. It was like comically pornographic looking. Like Pam Anderson in Baywatch, minus the gravity-defying silicon. Not cute. Seriously, this suit is for AAAAAAAA cups. I seriously felt a bit like this:



... Minus the bulge. Use your imagination. It was ridiculous. So when I got home, I Googled, in a rather rudimentary fashion, "big-busted bathing suits." Again, slightly ridiculous, I know. To my surprise though, I found some really cute stuff for those of us out there who are a weeeee bit bigger than a C and can't exactly pop in and buy suits right off the rack at Target or Old Navy. And, because some of you can, I threw in some "regular lady" suits too, so everyone feels like they win.

($99, Fantasie of England, Biggerbras.com)

I can't really tell if this is granny-ish or not, but I think it could actually be kinda cute. By the way, I'd never heard of Biggerbras.com, but it looks like most of the bathing suits start at D cups. Yay!

($89, Sunflair, Carabella.com)

Classic sweet polka dots. I like the piping at the neckline.

($75, Popina)

Sweet, but if you're gonna do polka dots, I think it's best to keep them black-and-white.

($39, Shape fx, Carabella)

I'm a bigger fan of this turquoise shade than the robin's egg blue above. And while the jeweled strap is a weeee bit cheeze-say, you can't deny the awesome slimming powers of shirring. Plus, this suit's got a built-in shelf bra, which is a must, obviously. I might try this one out. And also, I must say, I'd never heard of Carabella, but I'm definitely glad I discovered in my "big booby bathing suit" search, because their selection, range of sizes, and prices are great.

($39, Shape fx, Carabella)

Love the soft grey and the super femme style here. And, YO! $39!

($63, Rochford, Biggerbras.com)

It's a little '80s but still really cute. The tie = quite waist-enhancing, which is a good thing, especially if you've got lotsa business up top.

($39, Shoshanna, Bluefly)

($29, Shoshanna, Bluefly)

Shoshanna makes some of my favorite bathing suits -- especially bikinis -- for the well-endowed lady, erm, even though this one's only available (or only in stock) in up to a C cup. But check out the cute treasure chest theme on the soft pink background! Cute cute cute!

(Top: $11.95, bottom: $8.95, Carabella.com)

See, regular-chested lady? I care about you too!

Not That I Really Want To Think About Swimwear At This Point, But...

I mean, blah blah blah love your body and get breast exams and shit, but honestly, at this point in the season, I'd probably rather get a couple consecutive Paps than go bathing suit shopping. But that doesn't keep me from Windows shopping (GET IT????). Lame, I know. Onto the suits...

I just found out about swim line Red Carter. I likes what I sees!

(Red Carter, Tropi-Ties.com)

Looks like this one, the "Nouvelle," isn't available until later this month. Worth waiting for, I opine!

(Red Carter, Tropi-Ties.com)

This one -- the "Straight Arrow," is also TK, as we say in "the biz"... the biz of saying things. Can you handle the arrow pointing toward and away from your "choche"? (It rhymes with "encroach," in case you were wondering, and Daddy Likey inspired that one. It kind of almost reminds me of the Most Amazing Bikini Ever Created -- Kara Janx's fear-ocious tigerkini, which is on super-duper sale (in size L) here:

($60, Kara Janx, Azaeleasnyc.com)Good kitty. Down, girl!

($92, Carter Red, Bluefly.com)

Subtle but not boring! By the way, Bluefly just launched a new something-or-other called B*fly -- looks basically just like a site-within-a-site, designed to help you wade through the grammaw stuff and find the cute stuff faster. Okay then.

($115, Shoshanna, Nordstrom)

($66, Shoshanna, Nordstrom)

Shoshanna deserves mad big-boob props -- she designs for a wonderfully realistic range of weird cup-age, fruit-inspired body shapes and other various real-woman issues of disproportion. While the top of this suit does go all the way up to 36DDD, I really couldn't it being right for a busty broad. Nevertheless, this is an adorable pick (love the sunny mid-century diamonds!), and, as previously stated, Shoshanna is great for stylish, smart, supportive suits in an impressive range of sizes. I have two bikinis by her that I love. Get some.

(Top: $38, Bottom: $38, Billabong, Urban Outfitters)

Cute. A mass-market version of that ubi-quit-ous Elie Saab floral dress?

(Elie Saab, RTW 2008)

(Top: $9.99; Bottom: $9.99, Old Navy)
Easy, cute.

($98, Urban Outfitters)

I like me a nice one-piece. This one's flirty-cute, and it's got a lot of coverage, which isn't necessarily bad; modesty's not just for Mormons, you know! Oh yeah, also: Urban Outfitters promo code: 10% off your online order: PICKAWINNER, expires May 10, 2008.

($88, Coco Reef, Dillards)

Classic and class-y! This chick looks like Eva Longoria and J.Lo at the same time.

($100, DKNY, Dillards)

This one comes with the sash -- but not with the resistance ball. So if you want to wear your bathing suit outside on the way to the gym, you need to get BYORB. Anyway, the understated stripes are gorgeously offset by the fun-in-the-sun orange, (tee! Women's magazine writing!) LAYYYYDEEEEZE! I really do love this though. It's like the embodiment of Roy Lichtenstein's "Girl With Ball."


Night, lovelies! I'm off to catch some zois.