SHOE COUP UPDATE! (Also: Dresses!)

OMG, I'm fully KVELLING over here, y'all! After I finished my shoe post late last night, and after I contained my shoe boner over these Seychelles flats:


I found myself -- as many of us up late on the Innertube often do -- searching for porn. Now my porn does not consist of man meat or massive mammaries or group wankings or water sports, mind you. I'm talking shoes. My porn is pumps, k? Online shoe sales are my fluffed-up, misted-down naughty hot bodies.

So you can IMAGINE the ... um... rush of blood to my head when I searched for the aforementioned pornographic piece and FUCKING. FOUND. THEM. ON. SALE. FOR. SEVENTEEN. BUCKS. Oh yes. Right fucking here at Dillards.com What wha??? I love you, Dillard's! And I love you, shoe porn! And you, Seychelles. I love you most of all!


K, now that I've chayled a bit, here are some dresses.

($158, Eliza J, Nordstrom.com)
I know it's sorta cupcakey, but I love the '50s feel.



($47, Aqua, Bloomingdales.com)
Super cute jumper, very all-seasons.



($106, Lynn Ritchie, Bloomingdales.com)
Hm. I know I said that giraffes are basically the permanent new black, but I can't tell if I like this dress or not. Yay or nays, y'all??



($198, Single, Bloomingdales.com)



($298, Ya-Ya, Bloomingdales.com)
I'm sorry, but this is just a hot mess. You can just tell Carmen Kass is like "If my career has really come to modeling mommy mumus, then I am firing my agent, post haste!" Worst.


Finally finally: Fred Flare free shipping! Use promo code Mom.0407 for free UPS ground shipping.

Not That I Really Want To Think About Swimwear At This Point, But...

I mean, blah blah blah love your body and get breast exams and shit, but honestly, at this point in the season, I'd probably rather get a couple consecutive Paps than go bathing suit shopping. But that doesn't keep me from Windows shopping (GET IT????). Lame, I know. Onto the suits...

I just found out about swim line Red Carter. I likes what I sees!

(Red Carter, Tropi-Ties.com)

Looks like this one, the "Nouvelle," isn't available until later this month. Worth waiting for, I opine!

(Red Carter, Tropi-Ties.com)

This one -- the "Straight Arrow," is also TK, as we say in "the biz"... the biz of saying things. Can you handle the arrow pointing toward and away from your "choche"? (It rhymes with "encroach," in case you were wondering, and Daddy Likey inspired that one. It kind of almost reminds me of the Most Amazing Bikini Ever Created -- Kara Janx's fear-ocious tigerkini, which is on super-duper sale (in size L) here:

($60, Kara Janx, Azaeleasnyc.com)Good kitty. Down, girl!

($92, Carter Red, Bluefly.com)

Subtle but not boring! By the way, Bluefly just launched a new something-or-other called B*fly -- looks basically just like a site-within-a-site, designed to help you wade through the grammaw stuff and find the cute stuff faster. Okay then.

($115, Shoshanna, Nordstrom)

($66, Shoshanna, Nordstrom)

Shoshanna deserves mad big-boob props -- she designs for a wonderfully realistic range of weird cup-age, fruit-inspired body shapes and other various real-woman issues of disproportion. While the top of this suit does go all the way up to 36DDD, I really couldn't it being right for a busty broad. Nevertheless, this is an adorable pick (love the sunny mid-century diamonds!), and, as previously stated, Shoshanna is great for stylish, smart, supportive suits in an impressive range of sizes. I have two bikinis by her that I love. Get some.

(Top: $38, Bottom: $38, Billabong, Urban Outfitters)

Cute. A mass-market version of that ubi-quit-ous Elie Saab floral dress?

(Elie Saab, RTW 2008)

(Top: $9.99; Bottom: $9.99, Old Navy)
Easy, cute.

($98, Urban Outfitters)

I like me a nice one-piece. This one's flirty-cute, and it's got a lot of coverage, which isn't necessarily bad; modesty's not just for Mormons, you know! Oh yeah, also: Urban Outfitters promo code: 10% off your online order: PICKAWINNER, expires May 10, 2008.

($88, Coco Reef, Dillards)

Classic and class-y! This chick looks like Eva Longoria and J.Lo at the same time.

($100, DKNY, Dillards)

This one comes with the sash -- but not with the resistance ball. So if you want to wear your bathing suit outside on the way to the gym, you need to get BYORB. Anyway, the understated stripes are gorgeously offset by the fun-in-the-sun orange, (tee! Women's magazine writing!) LAYYYYDEEEEZE! I really do love this though. It's like the embodiment of Roy Lichtenstein's "Girl With Ball."


Night, lovelies! I'm off to catch some zois.