Geox's Totally Transtracular Empire State Building Heels

Geox, the people who brought you, um, golf shoes, now bring you these batshittingly transtacular heels with an EMPIRE STATE BUILDING HEEL.

($230, Geox)

These are so '90s that they practically walked straight out of Pret A Porter.

If you read lots of blogs (late pass! I've been on my honeymoon!) then you already know that these Geox heels are part of the comfy shoe brand's Spring/ Summer line and launched to herald (har) the opening of Geox's new store on 34th Street.

They kind of have a bit of a Payless-drops-acid vibe to them, which is to say I would probably buy them on a whim if they were for sale at Payless for like $49, as opposed to $230, which is too much to spend on a joke. But I do like that they're basically the embodiment of one of my favorite Bee Gees songs, "Nights On Broadway."

PS: True story: When I was a kid, I used to think it was the Empire Strikes Back Building. Awww. I was such a cute kid. See?

Even at under 12 months, I was runnin' that awesome outfit game.

Fortunately I became an even cuter teen!
Nighty nite!

Diamond Ring

These Miu Miu's Metal Pumps Be Cray Cray

(Miu, Miu, Holt Renfrew)

The suede lilac verison of Miu Miu's Fall/ Winter 2010 metal floral heels are crazy good.

The black ones? A little crazy uh-oh/ slutty pilgrim.

($990, Miu Miu, Net-a-porter.com)

Senso's Pony Heels Are So Hot They Should Come With A Fire Extinguisher

($159.95, Senso, Solestruck.com)

It's hard to say which is stronger -- the preemptive guilt I'd experience buying these fur pony heels or the remorse I'd experience not buying them at all. #moralstruggle

They're by Australian brand Senso, and they're a hard-to-believe-they're-not-more-expensive $159 at the Solestruck, which is currently rebranding itself from "basic online shoe store" to a select, covet-worthy collection of "fun" (as opposed to "mom) brands like Jeffrey Campbell, All Black, Dolce Vita, and Rachel Comey. Basically, Solestruck incepted my mind while I was sleeping and set up a shop of all of my favorite affordable shoe brands. And pony fur heels.

Never Enough NUDES!

I am so with Tamar on this insatiable need for cream-colored footwear. However, I could give two craps about classic simple pumps and need a little more embellishment. Like so:


Jeffrey Campbell bow-back heel, $128. THAT BOW!



Faryl Robinson Madison wedge, $228. I could see myself wearing these a LOT.



Jeffrey Campbell Buttons peep-toe pumps, $96. Cute as a...yeah.



Vivienne Westwood by Melissa Anglomania Lady Dragon Ball matte pump, $150. With the rubber-stamp! On the rubber shoe!

NEED, LIKE YESTERDAY: Beige Nude Heels. Now.

I CANNOT stop needing for beige heels for spring. Like so:

($80, BCBG, Zappos.com)

I love the simplicity here and the name: Cream Puff!

($83, rsvp, Zappos.com)

I have (unofficially) declared this the spring I go opentoe. But I kind of appreciate the aesthetic of an '80s-style monotone beige pump. I might make an exception for these though.

($304, Michael Kors, Zappos.com)

However, I'd absolutely make an exception for these excellent deconstructed beige and orange-toed heels. I mean, LOOK AT THEM.

($710, Vionnet, Net-a-porter.com)

These Vionnet beige leather heels are the Natalie Portman of footwear -- just plain perfect to look at, and also very expensive looking.

($476, Givenchy, Farfetch.com)

Clearly Givenchy's footwear design team has broken into my home, installed a secret camera in my bedroom, attached invisible electrodes to it, and monitored me sleeping to have created the shoe of my dreams. Obviously.

Charlie My Love

The question is can I love these ATM Knotted Woven Booties by Charlie My Love any more than I do already???

Available on sale at shopbop.com

REVEALED: I Bought These Christian Louboutin Clou Noeud Spikes!

($1195, Christian Louboutin, Barneys)

Oops. I confused "I bought these" with "I'd look really amazing in these." Sorry. Won't happen again.

Object Of My Desire: Loeffler Randall Snakeskin Belinda Pump

($332, Loeffler Randall, Refinery29.com)

Are you KIDDING me? And I love how, from afar, they look like newsprint. But NOPE! NOT NEWSPRINT! SNAKESKIN! And a SNAKESKIN ROSETTE? Um, "LIKES THIS!"

Also, as much as I NO lovey U2, I DO love this song, which perfectly expresses my longing for the above Loeffler Randall heels.

Potential ModCloth Binge

Oh ModCloth. You're like Urban Outfitters without the copyright infringements! So many cute offerings, so little dollars in my pants pockets.

Were I to gorge on ModCloth's cute stuff, here's what I'd add to my sadly empty basket:

($149.99, Miss L. Fire, ModCloth.com)

Almost nothing else on this oil-stained earth makes me happier than a pair of '80s heels. And detachable gem clips with bows (bows are SO big right now!) are just icing on the cake. And honestly, icing's always my favorite part. Seriously, when will someone just make an all-icing cake anyway?

($47.99, ModCloth.com)

Seriously, I HATE summer and shorts SO much that I just wear black jeans all summer and pray for a freak snow storm. This cuters black and yellow top is perfect exactly such a scenario.
And it doesn't look hugely tacky or cheap like sooo many tank tops. Am I the only one who's encountered that? What's up with super cheap-looking tanks? Bullshit!

($49.99, Industry, ModCloth.com)

LOVE this tank. Reminds me of the type of shit you used to be able to find on St. Marks before it basically turned into McDonald's.

($44.99, ModCloth.com)

A crafty take -- check out the raised threads in the stripes -- on Breton stripes! Plus, button shoulders? Oh, ModCloth. You're too good to us.

Why Aren't I Wearing: These Two-Tone Fergie 'Amplify' Heels

I will full-on admit that I like Fergie. Well, I have a soft spot for her. She fully embraces her trannydom, she's always workin' on her fitness, she can do a cartwheel and sing at the same time, she once peed her pants in public and was like 'whatevs,' and her hair is usually fun.

Therefore, I'm NOT at all ashamed to be having thoughts about Fergie's "Amplify" heels. They're bold and transrageous, just like their namesake.

($59.99, Fergie, Piperlime.com)

($250, Current Elliott, Net-a-porter.com)

I'd wear them with these Current Elliott medium wash skinny jeans (if I owned them).

I'd Get Along Famously With These Shoes

($549, Yotam Solomon, Stantonjames.com)

I can tell just by looking at these Yotam Solomon heels that we'd be a great match. A perfect fit. I love how architectural and slightly post-apocalyptic they feel. A little like a motorcycle boot had unprotected sex with a stiletto.

Yotam Solomon also has a collection inspired by the BP Oil Spill. Proceeds go to the clean-up.

Also love the Verre pump:

($679, Yotam Solomon, StantonJames.com)

They're SEVEN inches high, which is almost taller than me (almost), but I love the color combo. It's like an updated take on "Valley of the Dolls." They make me want to put them on and heat up the lasagna.

These Kork-Ease Wedges Are Doing It For Me

Kork-Ease had a big moment back in the '70s, when they were pretty much "That '70s Shoe," and they set everyone into a wedge tizzy. Now I'm in a bit of a tiz myself because, while I'm almost historically against a wedge, I'm big-time into these Kork-Ease "Elinor" chunky gladiator heels. I'm way into the wedge being '70s, while the pinky-peach leather is way more mod. And the distressed gold leather is such a nice I'm-bored-of-brown alternative for summer.

($154, Kork-Ease, Zappos.com)

The Self-Actualized Version Of Me Is Wearing These Rachel Comey Clogs

($403, Rachel Comey, Lagarconne.com)

The self-actualized me, the me who makes $10,000 more a year than this me and is living the Oprah Best-Life version of me that I should be living is wearing these super '70s Rachel Comey clogs. Meanwhile, the current version of me is just writing about them.

Also, oddly this me doesn't like clogs, but Self-Actualized Me apparently does!

Calvin Klein's Tamar Heels Are Obviously Named

($222.75, Calvin Klein, Bloomingdale's)

These Calvin Klein block heels are named "Tamar"!! Just like me! And they're on sale. I love sales! Aw Calvin. You really shouldn't have.

Alexander McQueen Patent Blue Leather Heels, Why Can't We Be Friends?

I could care less if electric cornflower blue is in the fall 2010 color palette or not. (It's not.) I NEED a pair of blue patent leather heels in my life. More purple than green, kay?

The perfect pair are obviously these Alexander McQueen heels with silver detailing on the heel.

($255.96, Alexander McQueen, Matches Fashion)

Oh yeah, and check out the Naag.com piece I did on EIGHT great blue nail polishes for fall! That's a different blue nail polish shade for every finger, plus two wild cards for your remaining two fingers (assuming/ hoping you have all 10).

Oh why oh why can't we be friends?

Daniblack Denim Studded Pump: Major Desire!

($175, Daniblack)

Accept no imitations, unless it's straight out of a 1984 time capsule. I ADORE Daniblack's studded denim "Queen" pump.

($119, Oh Deer, Piperlime)

Oh Deer!'s studded Sweetie pumps are visually intriguing, but I bought them, wore them for just a few hours, and was rendered almost incapable of walking -- 3 1/2 inch heels aren't usually a deal-breaker, but the construction on these make them fucking crippling. More like Oh Shit! I promptly sent them back. The Daniblacks look way more comfy.

+ Also, enter to win a pair of Daniblack Vellum or Mimosa satin rosette pump or flat! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!

Mary-Kate's Yellow Louboutins

(Photo via Fashionsite.blogspot.com)

In the newest issue of Nylon, Mary-Kate is wearing a pair of Christian Louboutins that probably weigh more than she does. All the more reason I should have them instead -- she could HURT herself!

My attempts to ID the Louboutins has so far been fruitless. Here's as close as I came:

($650, Christian Louboutin, Net-a-porter.com)

Close, but no cigar as "they" say.

($27, Amazon)

Wah. Even less of a cigar. Anyway, if anyone knows what the Louboutins that MK is wearing are called, please lemme know. If only to assuage my curiosity.

Also, and oddly, I've never had this problem before, but I've HEARD that people sometimes refer to their Louboutins as "Loubs." PLEASE don't. It sounds sort of like an infection.

Beyonce's Bringin' Balenciaga Back... Again...

I saw Beyonce in those absurd $4,150 Balenciaga Lego heels at the AMAs the other week, but I was too lazy to "bolg" about it. Thankfully, the absurdly, obscenely hilarious Kingdom Of Style busted wasn't -- she nabbed Ms. Knowles for galavanting about in these trannybot heels.

Anyway, these shoes are Pure Atrocity. Plus, and I'm not usually the first to blow the "soooo last-season" whistle, but these um, are, especially when you're as recognizable as Beyonce and you're wearing primary colored Transformers on your feet at an awards show. Dude, it is YOUR DUTY to bring something FRESH to the table, even if it is something your cray-cray mama made outta Liberace curtains.

Manolo himself deemed these old "hat," if you will, back in September. THE HORROR!

Anyway, LEAVE THEM ALONE, Chris Crocker style. Let them go quietly into that deep, dark hein-shoe resting place in the sky, never to be heard from again. Can we? Please? Forever? Forever and for realsies?

Vintage Binge: Etsy Seller lecondevetement

Etsy seller lecondevetement has some amazing vintage finds.

Two I'm hot 2 trot 4:

($70, lecondevetement.etsy.com)

I mean, LQQK at those gold closures!!!!

($45, lecondevetement.etsy.com)

Too bad these vintage brocade pumps are super wee -- US 5 or 6, because they're super beauts.

Now, lecondevetement, moar posts, pls!

Sally Tseng & Seychelles At Wink + PROMO CODE!

Y'all, Chanukkah's super early this year, so please please please someone buy me this amazing top from Winknyc.com:

($215, Sally Tseng, Winknyc.com)

I love how it's sorta punk-chic -- from afar, the yellow detailing almost looks like graffiti, but up close, it's sweet and femme. And grey and yellow is one of my fave color combos.

($86, Seychelles, Winknyc.com)

I also adore this gold criss-cross-strap heel -- such a great holiday shoe, and I find this style to be way more flattering than Mary Janes, especially on short folk like myself. I'm also dying for the antiqued ivory pair below:

Finally, be aware: Wink NYC promo code! 15% off the entire site through November 27! Enter THKGV7. Yay! Go forth, be thankful, and spend!